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Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
lonely...
While on a trip to bangalore to visit my friends and while walking up and down the (in)famous Brigade Road in there, I saw this dog, curled up tight by the window of a very expensive clothes retailers place. I had been going around that place fr more than four hours now, and when i was returning, I saw it again...in the same place...same position...same lazy eyes checking the passers by with little curiosity. |
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Homesick #1
Friday, October 20, 2006
A Transience's Worth...
All you need is a heart that beats;
The mirror, vain in her sheen
Scarce knows what he, in her, sees.
To love and be loved, be that a moment
One flicker of light that fades away soon;
Still has more life than eternity,
More life than the sun and the moon.
A gamblers prize, a louts tale
Rare have the trace of gold;
Two beating hearts, a moments passion
Is worth more than all the epics told.
Abhijit Deb Roy
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
FREEMASONRY FOR BROTHERLY LOVE, RELIEF AND TRUTH.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Today’s my weekly off, so I am watching some movie on my computer and then I realize my room is in the unholiest mess. Well…I don’t really want to work today, but then you got to do what you got to do. So I clean up my room, and pack up the garbage in a plastic bag and go out to throw it away. And then I notice that it’s not the usual burning hot outside…there are shadows of huge clouds sifting through the landscape…there is no dust in the cool wind blowing…and its raining. It’s just a drizzle, I tell myself and yet I can’t help smiling. I breathe deep and soak in the smell of the wet earth. I look around and see the trees tossing their great mass of foliage about like tipsy dancers. I close my eyes and am transported back in time.
I am in standard IV, and its raining cats and dogs in Silchar. I am on my way back from school and can hardly restrain my glee. I jump on the puddles and splash water all around. And then suddenly I slip and loose my balance…I’m about to fall down when my elder brother grabs my hand and prevents my fall. Dada has been standing my antics for a long while now and enough is enough he says. He is indignant and doesn’t take much effort to hide it. He is exactly three years older to me (we share our birthday); but as all elder brothers go, he thinks I am his responsibility and he always was the responsible big guy. But then I am the younger brother…so I grin my way to glory and jump at the next puddle. He gives up and walks along while I follow him…hopping and splashing.
And now I am in the Xth standard, walking to my tutor’s place with my best pal. It’s about to rain and there are black clouds looming in the sky; the sun sending shafts of evening light through the clouds. And then I see this tree lit by the sunlight…dazzling bright against a twilit silhouette. I cannot move my gaze. After a few moments I turn to look at my pal, and I see he’s looking at the same tree….almost as if in a trance. Then suddenly he looks at me and smiles. We are both smitten by the sight and stay a little while longer to feast our souls on that bright green against the hazy background. But we are already late for our classes and so we leave.
Two days later as we walk the same path again, we are stunned as we see our tree felled on the ground, cows and goats chewing at the drooping leaves. Some ancient rage rises through me, but I choke it down my throat. I smile at my pal and we walk away. But we talk of our tree for many a day to come.
Now, I am in Hyderabad. I have just joined an engineering institute; well… three months ago, to be precise. The brutal ragging sessions finally got over two weeks back. It’s a weekend and I’ve come down to see a friend. We spend the whole day walking around this place where you can find a lot of second hand books. Now its evening and we are back at her place, sitting on the edge of her terrace dangling our legs, looking at the Necklace Road and talking about Wuthering Heights and David Copperfield and of everything else on this universe. We don’t realize it’s late and suddenly it begins to rain heavily. She looks at me and breaks out into a laugh. And then she tugs at my arm and says let’s dance. “But I don’t know how to”, I say. “I’ll teach you”, she says. “But we don’t have any music”, I say again. She smiles impishly and says “hear close…we do have music.” I concentrate and realize that the rain has cut off all sounds of the traffic; and all around the only sound is that of the raindrops falling. I want to dance.
She takes my hand and places it between her shoulder blades and then she takes my other hand and proceeds to teach me waltz. We are completely drenched and cannot stop laughing at our stupidity. We dance a slow waltz in the rain till it’s not raining anymore, and the bright stars are smiling from heaven on two foolish kids. I dry off at her place and take her leave. I am happy.
I’m in the final year of engineering. Its Durga puja holidays and I am in Konark now. It’s night and a storm is brewing. I sit on the Chandrabhaga beach and gaze at the sea frothing in some arcane fury. In some strange way, I can feel its pain in my heart. I am alone and there is no one else on the beach. It’s only the sea, the clouds, the moon and the occasional light beam from the lighthouse…and me. I gaze around me and lose the sense of time. But for my modern clothes, I could have been a solitary nomad on one of his sojourns...
The jarring sound of my cellular shocks me back into reality. It’s a colleague calling to clarify a doubt. I finish the call, and throw away the garbage bag. I have got lots to do…finish the movie, clean up my room, water my plant, reply my mails and search for better career options.But before any of those, I’ll just step out for a moment and get wet in the rain.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
coffee...
Saturday, August 19, 2006
As the incharge, I was involved in the whole affair right from the beginning of the affair(well....almost from the beginning I mean) to the last investigations. The responsibility of the job causing this mayhem was a colleague's; a girl, who had her weekly off that day and so the job had been handed over to a rookie. Anyways, once the blame game started, she had to take it all on herself.
And today she came to the plant again for continuing with the job.
I realized something today even as I was extending the work permit for the job. The worst part of any accident you are held responsible for is that you still have to face everyone again the next day. The world doesn't mostly change too much with an accident or two. And mostly people don't really care but for the taunts and the hidden grins that essentially comes as an aftermath of any such event.
But she took it all standing firm, chin up and smiling at everyone. We are pretty close friends, well almost as good as we can possibly be, owing to the very limited amount of time we get to meet. And today when she smiled at me, I could estimate how hard that accident had been on her.
Being a girl in a production company is difficult. Being an engineer and a girl and that too working in the field is very very difficult. This is to you...for making me understand what courage is all about; and showing me what responsibility means.
The strongest is he who stands against the crowd!!!
Thanks Di, thanks for having the courage of facing the tomorrow with a smile.
You inspire.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
of friends and change...
Don't really know why I remember this tonight. It had struck me as an odd statement and a very true one.
Friends.
As a teenager, I used to think I was the best thing to have happened to this planet in general...and to my friends in particular....and then I went on and made friends with a strange guy...a guy whose world was completely different from mine....I was an alien on his planet as he was on mine. He was arrogant, stubborn, rude....and not a very bright student. I was the nice and gentle....polite polished kid who was in the 'elite bright kids' group. But somehow our worlds touched and then everything went topsy turvy.
Suddenly I began to realize that there was fun beyond crushing your competitors in the exams, that most politeness is mostly hypocrisy....and polished snob attitudes were mostly assets of the coward who could not face the real world. And I began to learn.
Somewhere down the middle....his scores improved, he became less brazen, and the elite bright kid group became more inclusive. Study groups became more of fun and co-operation than competition...bicycles became more than just a mode of transport, cola drinks became less injurious to health....and school life became more 'cool'.
Then to High School....more pressure....more definite goals...more concentration on studies...and a close knit circle of friends. And then one day, we all went different ways. One in Boston, one in Silchar, one in Delhi, two in Bangalore, one in Pune and I in Tuticorin.
Its been many rains since. Many more friends, more groups...parties...cocktails...crushes...dates and dinners...heart aches...heart breaks...career...plans...lost contacts. Most of us don't even remember the last time we met. I got the picture of a few of us...in a group...the phone numbers of most....but then we all are busy with our jobs...our schedules do not match...ego clashes...heartbreaks..heartbreaks...heartbreaks...old feuds...changed priorities.
Sorry Mr. King. But I'm pretty sure you were wrong when you made that statement. Friends never hold you back. Most of us leave them behind, and don't turn back. Gradually all the promises made on slam books fade away...our Professional designations change...locations change...phone numbers change....It's so hard to keep track of everyone...and one day you forget to tell one of them of your new job...your new house...your break up...or the new girl.
And then one fine day, when you're at a conference, you get a call from an unkown number. Thank God I kept the cell in the silent mode. I call up and cannot recognise the voice that answers me back...and then she screams at me and I am stunned!!!
Renewals....and the whole process begins again....with an added flavour of nostalgia.
So many ways to keep in touch these days....phone calls....instant messages ...yahoo....rediff...google...gmail...orkut...and still it becomes so difficult to hold on.
Maybe at times its best to walk on and not look back.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Oh and by the way, I just chanced upon this amazing female singer called Chantal Kreviazuk. She's not very popular in India else i possibly would have heard of her before. But she's charming...and also happens to have a skilled and beautiful voice.
I'm charmed...
Right now...hooked onto Ray Charles' 'Hit the road Jack' and Chantal Kreviazuk's 'Time'.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
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I had searched for 'Paean' tonight. but I could not find anything interesting in the websites. But when I checked the images section...I found this.
And when I searched for Lorine Niedecker, I found this.
If anybody has ever read this essay called 'On fame' by Hilarie Belloc, I'd like to quote him.
" The most lasting form of fame is literary fame; but its biggest disadvantage is that more often than not it comes posthumously. "
And I'd thought these were things of the past; and that these days talent is more easily identified and nurtured.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
The morning star...
'What a name!' I thought the first time I heard it. That was a long long time back, think it was sometime when I was in the 5th or 6th grade.
I was intrigued, but we did not have access to internet then....so looked the name up in a dictionary, and in an encyclopedia....and found it was the name of the devil. And I thought, how can something so vile have such an enchanting name?
And now that I have easy access to the net, I search for random things to pass my time.
Today's word was Lucifer.
The morning star. The bringer of light.
The bringer of light; the opening of minds and the route to enlightenment.
You are the light of your life; without your light the world descends into black anarchy; there are forces that wish to extinguish your light by imprisoning or brainwashing you into accepting societies mediocrity.
No imagination, no doubt and no light: no life.
Lucifer is enlightenment here and now on Earth, in Man.
Lucifer reveals it to us as a new truth: That your consciousness is the light of your life.
What I find very interesting is that nowhere in the bible could I find anything wrong in what Lucifer did. He had the audacity to question God's way of treating human beings.And what does God do to him? He throws him out.
Interesting behaviour for an all forgiving benevolent God.
And a thought suddenly strikes me...remember all the nice and good movies dealing with faith... I particularly remember "The Polar Express" for no more a reason than that that was the last such movie I saw. All these movies seem to be intent on making us believe that knowledge is not important...we just need to have faith!!!
And in case you have noticed, none of the original religious texts talk much about the Devil. They mostly deal with right and wrong behaviour. And look at what the human imagination and religious politics has wrought...
Satan...Anti-Christ...Lucifer...Belial...Mefistopheles...
Why are all the religions so scared of knowledge???
Ok, I'll keep Hinduism and Buddhism out of it as I know these encourage knowledge. Still...these are rather marginal religions if we happen to look global.
What happened to us?
How did we Human beings become so weak?
She...oh She!!!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
The cover page...
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Breakfast with Hannibal...
Well, since right now I am into the whole cooking thing, here's a sample of what I'd prepared for my breakfast. Pretty simple fare I admit. Eggs scrambled with a slices of cheese and tomatoes, bread toasted crisp in the microwave, some grapes and chocolate milkshake.
Not bad huh?
Well, here's a confession...the grapes were added in the final moment just to enhance the colours in the photograph. But from this, I also found out that grapes at breakfast make a pretty good dessert.
Hmmph...dessert in breakfast....well...a girl I know would laugh a lot after reading this, and then smile with sparkling eyes and say "Whatever!"
And I finally finished the Dr. Hannibal Lecter trilogy...'The Red Dragon', 'The silence of the lambs' and 'Hannibal'; the cover picture of which I am posting after this post.
In case you missed it out, the cover of the book containing the fisrt two of the trio was posted earlier along with my Vanilla pudding.
In case you saw thse three movies and liked them, please read the books. The books are a zillion time better than the movies....and the final one...the book is simply beautiful. Unlike the movies, it treats all the characters as human beings....fallible...good...bad...and erring!!!
And I simply love the cover page of 'Hannibal'....so giving in to the urge.
Hell....I seem to have begun a mental association of food with books!!!
Interesting.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
nostalgia...
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That's me....my batchmates fron Assam (my native province in India) with our juniors at the farewell program these amazing juniors arranged for us!!!
That was more than a year back, and as I chanced upon this photograph, I suddenly realized that it has indeed been a long long time I have seen any of these people...well..save one who stays and works in chennai. And it makes me feel a bit sad...somehow I never learnt to hold onto people....I have a very loose fist...and people just pass through it ....very easily.
Even as I am composing this blog....I can recall all the (mis)adventures I went through with these batchmates of mine...and so many that I did not. I was an alien of sorts even in there. Now I wonder why.
Here's to these real and good people....I wish I had the chance to say thanks to you all when we were together. But better late than never...and since this possibly wouldn't really matter....just a piece of junk in the endless sea of blogs here and there....but should any of you come across....understand....you all are invaluable!!!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Of vanilla puddings and thriller fiction...
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Well...this is my first pudding....and it came out looking so pretty that I just could not resist bragging about it to everyone who had the misfortune to find me online!!!
I am in the narcissistic mood right now and it does feel so good....what can I say?
The book in the photograph also gives it a context don't you think? By the way, I just completed reading both the volumes in the book in the picture....and they both are so much better than the movies. Now onto the third part..."Hannibal". Any book readers out there....do read this trilogy. Its fascinating.
I decided that I'll try and write correct english in my blogs henceforth...and then realized that that would mean I'll have to convert all the 'i's into 'I's. Hmm...that's something. But what the heck....worth a try definitely....at least till I find something else to fool about with.
Watch out for more goodies to come.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Wimbledon...
And still, he is yet to beat him in a clay court. I think Federer is a great tennis player; but I'll possibly never be able to forget what he once said of Nadal....that Nadal was too one-dimensional.
Being great is not always enough.
I'll wait for the French Opens.
What's rather funny is that I like Federer's game much more than Nadal's.