YIPPIE!!!

I got a new job...in a new field and even got my joining date....possibly shall go home for another bout of vacation...

And I eventually managed to confess my love to someone...and was surprised that it was not that huge a deal anyway.....

We create too much fuss over words at times....

As I was strolling by the beach in Pondicherry, I came across this sign board -- 'DO NOT SWIM' it said. DO NOT SWIM indeed. The sea here is not the lake meant for swimming, and the beach is rocky. It's not smooth here. It's not safe. And yet, DO NOT SWIM. Do not swim coz we cannot protect you. Do not swim even though the only water you'll swim in perhaps shall be the shallow swimming pool with its civilized stench of chlorine and ozone. Do not swim even though that's the only thing you really want to. Your desire can possibly not be more important than your safety! My mother, usually rational, believes my horoscope that says I shall possibly die of water; and she's scared for me and cannot understand the fascination I have for the sea. I believe that part of my horoscope too. And I still cannot fathom the fascination i have for the sea -- the wild untamed sea. And I'd like to die in the sea. What could possibly be a better way to write 'finis'? And as I walked the slippery rocks next to the sea in Pondicherry at night, as the waves lashed against them in frustrated wrath spraying me with the salt spume...the urge to give in and jump into the sea was immense. Immense... The urge to kill one's self, suicide, is not glamorous. It is cowardice. But I always had that urge in me. I still do. And the fight between the will to live and the lure of giving in to the urge has often left me exhausted. Extremely exhausted. It's rather funny as I love every moment of being alive. I love being myself. I love the life I lead. And somehow I understand that the urge to kill myself is not about my life. It's the eternal suicidal lust of being in control. Even funnier coz I am rather in control. To the real, rational world, the future holds many promises. But once in a while, while jumping on the rocks by the Pondicherry beach, the line between reality and fantasy gets blurred; death becomes more mesmerizing than menacing; and the end seems to gold more promises of beginning than the future. But for the eternal rebel in me, I'd have jumped in and not swam. But I will not conform to the instructions of someone telling me not to swim! So I get off the rocks, and walk back to my date who's talking over the cellular. We hold hands and walk away. I try hard not to look back.