I am a Love-Machine Cat!!!

You scored as Love Machine Cat, Look out! The love machine is on the loose. You might want to take off a night of permiscuity and go get your junk checked out. Nothing sadder than a cat with herpes. Couch Potato Cat 92% Love Machine Cat 92% Ninja Cat 75% Pissed at the World Cat 67% Derranged Cat 67% Nerd Cat 50% Drunk Cat 42% Which Absurd Cat are you? created with QuizFarm.com

of exams and new roommates...

I messed up my exams...the last two...to be precise...and I have a new roommate.

Nice bloke...the roommate guy ie, only this is perhaps the first time he's out of nest...and he seems extremely scared of me...how and why I have no clue. But at times this whole thing gets to me...I refuse to believe that I'm that intimidating by nature...I try to be nice...

Well...that's about it...need to get out of the 'I screwed my exam' mode soon...

ciao people!

new job...new assignments...

So far so good!

That's what I said when most of my friends asked me how the whole new job thing was working out....so far so good indeed...got through this strange english proficiency test...and was fortunate enough to get into the top bracket!!!

Unfortunately enough we who got through into that had to go through reviewing 'self-help' books today and we are supposed to submit a review tomorrow.

I never thought I'd read a self-help book ever; and now this!

And there's something extremely strange about this campus...they guys in here all seem to have some fascination for the pink colour....the other day I and a friend were sitting and chatting and in a span of about 20-25 minutes, we spotted at the least 70-75 guys wearing pink shirts and pink T-shirts!

Is it just me or is the planet going nuts???

I need to go through that self-help book now!!!

Sheesh...

Mysore....Mahisur

I am now in mysore...or shall I say Mahisur? The capital of Tippu Sultan...near the historical Shrirangapatnam....and there's magic in this place.

Yesterday...saturday....I went out with my coleagues/friends to the city and went to this palace museum called Jeganmohan Palace and I was stunned by the Painting collection....certain things defy expression....that did.....perhaps because its been quite a while since I've been in the company of something so marvellous....

And then gradually the flaws began to take their toll....bad maintenance....tourists(?) vandalizing the walls and the picture frames....I possibly could have killed a couple of them that day...

If you cannot respect or admire something....please at least show some trace of civillization in yourself and leave them alone for people who admire them...please...

but this perhaps has not much to do with appreciating 'art' as it is about having a good time outing with your 'friends and pals'.....ogling at females and howling about....

and the funniest thing is that my Mom keeps telling I'm too unsocial and that I should try and improve!

This society and this civillization.....I think I'm happy being myself!

Oh! And if you think you can appreciate a work of art...do visit the museum....and stand in front of the 'Glow of Hope' in the museum....its a watercolour and I haven't seen many which are better. The museum also boasts of a self portrait by Rembrandt and quite a few Ravi Vermas.

Everything's eventual all right!

YIPPIE!!!

I got a new job...in a new field and even got my joining date....possibly shall go home for another bout of vacation...

And I eventually managed to confess my love to someone...and was surprised that it was not that huge a deal anyway.....

We create too much fuss over words at times....

As I was strolling by the beach in Pondicherry, I came across this sign board -- 'DO NOT SWIM' it said. DO NOT SWIM indeed. The sea here is not the lake meant for swimming, and the beach is rocky. It's not smooth here. It's not safe. And yet, DO NOT SWIM. Do not swim coz we cannot protect you. Do not swim even though the only water you'll swim in perhaps shall be the shallow swimming pool with its civilized stench of chlorine and ozone. Do not swim even though that's the only thing you really want to. Your desire can possibly not be more important than your safety! My mother, usually rational, believes my horoscope that says I shall possibly die of water; and she's scared for me and cannot understand the fascination I have for the sea. I believe that part of my horoscope too. And I still cannot fathom the fascination i have for the sea -- the wild untamed sea. And I'd like to die in the sea. What could possibly be a better way to write 'finis'? And as I walked the slippery rocks next to the sea in Pondicherry at night, as the waves lashed against them in frustrated wrath spraying me with the salt spume...the urge to give in and jump into the sea was immense. Immense... The urge to kill one's self, suicide, is not glamorous. It is cowardice. But I always had that urge in me. I still do. And the fight between the will to live and the lure of giving in to the urge has often left me exhausted. Extremely exhausted. It's rather funny as I love every moment of being alive. I love being myself. I love the life I lead. And somehow I understand that the urge to kill myself is not about my life. It's the eternal suicidal lust of being in control. Even funnier coz I am rather in control. To the real, rational world, the future holds many promises. But once in a while, while jumping on the rocks by the Pondicherry beach, the line between reality and fantasy gets blurred; death becomes more mesmerizing than menacing; and the end seems to gold more promises of beginning than the future. But for the eternal rebel in me, I'd have jumped in and not swam. But I will not conform to the instructions of someone telling me not to swim! So I get off the rocks, and walk back to my date who's talking over the cellular. We hold hands and walk away. I try hard not to look back.

I will be the flame...

Beautiful, tender, wasting away for sorrow;

Thus to-day; and how shall it be with thee to-morrow?

Beautiful, tender—what else?

A hope tells.

- Christina Rossetti

lonely...

While on a trip to bangalore to visit my friends and while walking up and down the (in)famous Brigade Road in there, I saw this dog, curled up tight by the window of a very expensive clothes retailers place. I had been going around that place fr more than four hours now, and when i was returning, I saw it again...in the same place...same position...same lazy eyes checking the passers by with little curiosity. To imagine that its forefathers had once been wild and free. Oh...what have we done to this world? (And the worst part is, I possibly will not do much else beyond posting some stuff on my blog, and getting a nice pic of a nice dog and wonder what could have been.)

Homesick #1

That was the sight from our terrace the day I left.

Yes, it was only october 8th and there was fog and mist. Yes...home is always paradise.

A Transience's Worth...

To see the universe in a grain of sand
All you need is a heart that beats;
The mirror, vain in her sheen
Scarce knows what he, in her, sees.


To love and be loved, be that a moment
One flicker of light that fades away soon;
Still has more life than eternity,
More life than the sun and the moon.

A gamblers prize, a louts tale
Rare have the trace of gold;
Two beating hearts, a moments passion
Is worth more than all the epics told.

Abhijit Deb Roy

FREEMASONRY FOR BROTHERLY LOVE, RELIEF AND TRUTH.

Bangalore station, september 2006

(In case you don't see what this is about, click on the pic, and look closer at the bench...and if you still don't, consult your optician)

It’s raining here today…its afternoon and I just got out of my room to throw out some garbage and I realize it is raining. The smell of the wet earth slowly cascades from my nose and mesmerizes every sense...it has always been like this. I live in an obscure port town named Tuticorin in Tamil Nadu. It is situated pretty close to Kanyakumari and far far away from everywhere else. I work in a chemical industry as a chemical process engineer. The job’s boring, but the pay’s good.

Today’s my weekly off, so I am watching some movie on my computer and then I realize my room is in the unholiest mess. Well…I don’t really want to work today, but then you got to do what you got to do. So I clean up my room, and pack up the garbage in a plastic bag and go out to throw it away. And then I notice that it’s not the usual burning hot outside…there are shadows of huge clouds sifting through the landscape…there is no dust in the cool wind blowing…and its raining. It’s just a drizzle, I tell myself and yet I can’t help smiling. I breathe deep and soak in the smell of the wet earth. I look around and see the trees tossing their great mass of foliage about like tipsy dancers. I close my eyes and am transported back in time.

I am in standard IV, and its raining cats and dogs in Silchar. I am on my way back from school and can hardly restrain my glee. I jump on the puddles and splash water all around. And then suddenly I slip and loose my balance…I’m about to fall down when my elder brother grabs my hand and prevents my fall. Dada has been standing my antics for a long while now and enough is enough he says. He is indignant and doesn’t take much effort to hide it. He is exactly three years older to me (we share our birthday); but as all elder brothers go, he thinks I am his responsibility and he always was the responsible big guy. But then I am the younger brother…so I grin my way to glory and jump at the next puddle. He gives up and walks along while I follow him…hopping and splashing.

And now I am in the Xth standard, walking to my tutor’s place with my best pal. It’s about to rain and there are black clouds looming in the sky; the sun sending shafts of evening light through the clouds. And then I see this tree lit by the sunlight…dazzling bright against a twilit silhouette. I cannot move my gaze. After a few moments I turn to look at my pal, and I see he’s looking at the same tree….almost as if in a trance. Then suddenly he looks at me and smiles. We are both smitten by the sight and stay a little while longer to feast our souls on that bright green against the hazy background. But we are already late for our classes and so we leave.

Two days later as we walk the same path again, we are stunned as we see our tree felled on the ground, cows and goats chewing at the drooping leaves. Some ancient rage rises through me, but I choke it down my throat. I smile at my pal and we walk away. But we talk of our tree for many a day to come.

Now, I am in Hyderabad. I have just joined an engineering institute; well… three months ago, to be precise. The brutal ragging sessions finally got over two weeks back. It’s a weekend and I’ve come down to see a friend. We spend the whole day walking around this place where you can find a lot of second hand books. Now its evening and we are back at her place, sitting on the edge of her terrace dangling our legs, looking at the Necklace Road and talking about Wuthering Heights and David Copperfield and of everything else on this universe. We don’t realize it’s late and suddenly it begins to rain heavily. She looks at me and breaks out into a laugh. And then she tugs at my arm and says let’s dance. “But I don’t know how to”, I say. “I’ll teach you”, she says. “But we don’t have any music”, I say again. She smiles impishly and says “hear close…we do have music.” I concentrate and realize that the rain has cut off all sounds of the traffic; and all around the only sound is that of the raindrops falling. I want to dance.

She takes my hand and places it between her shoulder blades and then she takes my other hand and proceeds to teach me waltz. We are completely drenched and cannot stop laughing at our stupidity. We dance a slow waltz in the rain till it’s not raining anymore, and the bright stars are smiling from heaven on two foolish kids. I dry off at her place and take her leave. I am happy.

I’m in the final year of engineering. Its Durga puja holidays and I am in Konark now. It’s night and a storm is brewing. I sit on the Chandrabhaga beach and gaze at the sea frothing in some arcane fury. In some strange way, I can feel its pain in my heart. I am alone and there is no one else on the beach. It’s only the sea, the clouds, the moon and the occasional light beam from the lighthouse…and me. I gaze around me and lose the sense of time. But for my modern clothes, I could have been a solitary nomad on one of his sojourns...

The jarring sound of my cellular shocks me back into reality. It’s a colleague calling to clarify a doubt. I finish the call, and throw away the garbage bag. I have got lots to do…finish the movie, clean up my room, water my plant, reply my mails and search for better career options.But before any of those, I’ll just step out for a moment and get wet in the rain.

coffee...

Coffee...plain old simple coffee sans fancy nomenclature....when was the last time you went to some cafe and ordered coffee...only coffee?

I don't remember my last time. Do you?

We had a major fire accident at our plant yesterday. It all happened from welding sparks from a job falling onto cardboard boxes containing various materials. The day was dry (as usual) and very windy and sunny(as usual) and so the fire spread like...er, fire.

As the incharge, I was involved in the whole affair right from the beginning of the affair(well....almost from the beginning I mean) to the last investigations. The responsibility of the job causing this mayhem was a colleague's; a girl, who had her weekly off that day and so the job had been handed over to a rookie. Anyways, once the blame game started, she had to take it all on herself.

And today she came to the plant again for continuing with the job.

I realized something today even as I was extending the work permit for the job. The worst part of any accident you are held responsible for is that you still have to face everyone again the next day. The world doesn't mostly change too much with an accident or two. And mostly people don't really care but for the taunts and the hidden grins that essentially comes as an aftermath of any such event.

But she took it all standing firm, chin up and smiling at everyone. We are pretty close friends, well almost as good as we can possibly be, owing to the very limited amount of time we get to meet. And today when she smiled at me, I could estimate how hard that accident had been on her.

Being a girl in a production company is difficult. Being an engineer and a girl and that too working in the field is very very difficult. This is to you...for making me understand what courage is all about; and showing me what responsibility means.

The strongest is he who stands against the crowd!!!

Thanks Di, thanks for having the courage of facing the tomorrow with a smile.

You inspire.

of friends and change...

I read in some book by Stephen King...'your friends are what tie you behind'.

Don't really know why I remember this tonight. It had struck me as an odd statement and a very true one.

Friends.

As a teenager, I used to think I was the best thing to have happened to this planet in general...and to my friends in particular....and then I went on and made friends with a strange guy...a guy whose world was completely different from mine....I was an alien on his planet as he was on mine. He was arrogant, stubborn, rude....and not a very bright student. I was the nice and gentle....polite polished kid who was in the 'elite bright kids' group. But somehow our worlds touched and then everything went topsy turvy.

Suddenly I began to realize that there was fun beyond crushing your competitors in the exams, that most politeness is mostly hypocrisy....and polished snob attitudes were mostly assets of the coward who could not face the real world. And I began to learn.

Somewhere down the middle....his scores improved, he became less brazen, and the elite bright kid group became more inclusive. Study groups became more of fun and co-operation than competition...bicycles became more than just a mode of transport, cola drinks became less injurious to health....and school life became more 'cool'.

Then to High School....more pressure....more definite goals...more concentration on studies...and a close knit circle of friends. And then one day, we all went different ways. One in Boston, one in Silchar, one in Delhi, two in Bangalore, one in Pune and I in Tuticorin.

Its been many rains since. Many more friends, more groups...parties...cocktails...crushes...dates and dinners...heart aches...heart breaks...career...plans...lost contacts. Most of us don't even remember the last time we met. I got the picture of a few of us...in a group...the phone numbers of most....but then we all are busy with our jobs...our schedules do not match...ego clashes...heartbreaks..heartbreaks...heartbreaks...old feuds...changed priorities.

Sorry Mr. King. But I'm pretty sure you were wrong when you made that statement. Friends never hold you back. Most of us leave them behind, and don't turn back. Gradually all the promises made on slam books fade away...our Professional designations change...locations change...phone numbers change....It's so hard to keep track of everyone...and one day you forget to tell one of them of your new job...your new house...your break up...or the new girl.

And then one fine day, when you're at a conference, you get a call from an unkown number. Thank God I kept the cell in the silent mode. I call up and cannot recognise the voice that answers me back...and then she screams at me and I am stunned!!!

Renewals....and the whole process begins again....with an added flavour of nostalgia.

So many ways to keep in touch these days....phone calls....instant messages ...yahoo....rediff...google...gmail...orkut...and still it becomes so difficult to hold on.

Maybe at times its best to walk on and not look back.

I often get confused as to which is my right hand and which is my left.

Oh and by the way, I just chanced upon this amazing female singer called Chantal Kreviazuk. She's not very popular in India else i possibly would have heard of her before. But she's charming...and also happens to have a skilled and beautiful voice.

I'm charmed...

Right now...hooked onto Ray Charles' 'Hit the road Jack' and Chantal Kreviazuk's 'Time'.

I had searched for 'Paean' tonight. but I could not find anything interesting in the websites. But when I checked the images section...I found this.

And when I searched for Lorine Niedecker, I found this.

If anybody has ever read this essay called 'On fame' by Hilarie Belloc, I'd like to quote him.

" The most lasting form of fame is literary fame; but its biggest disadvantage is that more often than not it comes posthumously. "

And I'd thought these were things of the past; and that these days talent is more easily identified and nurtured.

I didn't have the courage to go near the animal to shoot this. I shot it from a safe distance.

For Alex...

And for the record...I find the Boyzone version much too saccharine sweet for my taste!!!